Mentorship is often thought of in the context of a formal relationship in the academic or professional worlds, but our first mentors are typically our parents. Having grown up in two households, I sometimes felt envious of my friends that lived life without this particular complexity. Having one household and traditional parental figures has its advantages in stability and simplicity; however, my upbringing in two households with decoupled parents was very influential and beneficial to my growth. Being raised by both parents in their respective households allowed me to experience both of their ideas, philosophies, perspectives unadulterated. My parents weren’t trying to balance their teachings or acquiesce their values with those of another figure; instead, I was able to balance their perspectives and decide for myself what to take from the knowledge they showed me. While my parents did have some overlapping and opposing ideologies, they also had ample knowledge in unique areas–giving me a wider perspective than if I only had one parent raising me, or if their teachings overlapped more. This perspective-changing relationship works both ways. Ask any parent and they will tell you raising a child changed their worldview. For many of us, parents are our first, longest, and most impactful mentors in our life and understanding this relationship helps us learn more universal ideas about mentorship.
While I was lucky (in my own way) of having multiple mentors from a very young age, many others do not share this experience or at least to the degree that I experienced it. For many, mentorship from multiple sources has to be created rather than given. I can see how formal mentorship programs–where people are paired off as mentor and mentee–can be a great catalyst for a fulfilling relationship; however, participation in a more formal mentorship relationship shouldn’t make people feel that they can check off “finding a mentor” on their to-do list. For me, formal mentors have made me realize how important they are, and strengthened my resolve to find more. Formal mentors let me relearn how valuable mentorship can be to different facets of my life, in the way they show alternate perspectives and analyses on dilemmas and situations I encounter. I also learn about the important people in the lives of my mentors and how they’ve been influenced. Most of my mentorship has been informal, and the same is true for many people, even if they are not aware. (I define a mentor as anyone you have sought or received advice from.) Being aware of the different mentorship roles people have in your life has multiple benefits. It can bring a more focused attention to the relationship and nudge you to ask more directed questions to learn from. Awareness is also the first step to the mentorship dynamic becoming more formalized or defined. As someone who has the pleasure of being a mentor informally and formally, I can say it’s a huge compliment when someone asks for your advice or even better asks you to be their mentor. Being a chosen mentee is also a valuable position to be in: as mentors similarly have to choose who they want to invest their energy in, as I’ll discuss more in depth later.
Fortunately, my parents had more complementary knowledge than overlapping. While both of their perspectives were based heavily in logic over emotion, they each applied this approach in different areas of expertise giving me a breadth of knowledge shared by neither of them. I don’t say this to mean I’m in any way smarter, but to say my perspective was widened by the composite of theirs. Complementary knowledge almost directly adds to one’s knowledge base and grows your perspective. For me, this is the most invigorating part of mentorship. It challenges my previously held beliefs (re knowledge as a justified, true belief). The presence of contradicting knowledge from different mentors challenges beliefs to a greater extent, offering multiple perspectives on a single topic and forcing critical thinking. Complementary and contradicting knowledge are inevitable as a person gains more mentors and forces them to become better at incorporating knowledge from mentors as they receive it, one of the skills I value very highly.
As mentioned previously, mentorship benefits both mentor and mentee. While the benefits to the mentee are fairly clear, the benefits to the mentor are less so. Most notably, the mentee brings their own perspective to the relationship. The mentee can challenge the mentor’s beliefs in areas they are knowledgeable in and can ask penetrating questions in areas they are not. This challenges the mentor to truly understand what they are teaching on a deeper level, and helps them create new connections between their past experiences and present knowledge. As I mentioned before, it’s flattering to be considered a mentor and gratifying when mentees succeed using your advice. As a mentee, I ensure to express my gratitude to my mentors whenever I get the opportunity.
At QB25, QuestBridge’s 25th anniversary summit, Reid Hoffman made an analogy about constellations when speaking about how he viewed mentors in his life. This brings to light a new and helpful way to understand mentorship. First, this analogy reinforces the idea that mentorship should be seen as a one-to-many relationship, where we’re connected to many mentors. More interestingly, this brings up the idea of connectivity between mentors. While it could be viewed as simply a social connection linking our mentors, I also like to think of the connections as more ideological and knowledge-based. This deepens the analogy as our ancestors created new stories from groups of stars, we create new knowledge from groups of mentors. We use multiple perspectives from mentors to form a unique perspective shared by no single mentor. Lastly, this analogy puts mentors on a much deserved pedestal. We should value our mentors highly to an almost celestial degree, while continuing to practice critical thinking of their shared wisdom. They give us guidance to where we want to go just like the North Star does in the Little Dipper (or sometimes give us an entirely new direction to explore).
Identify the mentors in your life, or those you’d like to be mentored by; approach them with genuine curiosity—and discover new ways to look at the world around you.
The Mentorship Series is composed of knowledge that I have shared and hope to share with mentees. My goal is to help others navigate life post-commencement, using knowledge I’ve learned firsthand or through my mentors. Each article in the series provides perspectives I have found useful and outlines steps to apply these insights. Mentorship is inherently personal, so this series should be seen as a starting point for relationships with mentors rather than a substitute for those irreplaceable relationships. Topics for future articles can be suggested by contacting me through LinkedIn.
