Let’s face it. The ongoing pandemic and roller coaster of a quarantine have amplified all the stressors we’ve faced in 2020, no matter our socioeconomic status or geographic location. This virus has made a chaotic year even more difficult for almost all of us. For me, while my struggles have not been insignificant, I like to balance reflecting on my struggles with practicing gratitude for the blessings this quarantine has granted me. Of the several blessings that come to mind as being most transformative, two rise above the rest: financial independence and security, clarity of the different paths forward.
I am grateful for the financial stability I had throughout the quarantine. I know many of my family members, friends, and other connections have faced furloughs, layoffs, hiring freezes, and offer redactions to name only a few of the countless obstacles the pandemic has surfaced. I listened when I could and caught glimpses of the stresses they were living through.
Being raised in lower-middle class environments, I empathized with the struggle of paying bills on a week-to-week basis, eating food that was cost and time effective, making sacrifices to see your family on holidays due to increased travel costs. During these times of financial stress in my past, it was difficult to clearly envision a financially stable life for myself in the near or distant future. I felt that my current stressors warranted my full attention, so my ambitions and distant dreams took a back seat.
I had two escapes from stressful situations growing up: books and TV.
Through great storytelling and suspension of disbelief, I was able to empathize with characters that were so different from myself, yet there was something I resonated with. Even now, I still find it hard to explain why I had such a strong draw to the stories of fictional characters over real interactions and relationships; but one main takeaway from those countless hours held strong: there was a better life for me and family in the future. I wanted to ensure that it actualized.
Through years of practice empathizing with people in alternative realities, I grew comfortable internalizing the problems of my family and friends. In fact, I learned I preferred helping others find solutions to their problems more than solving my own. I grew familiar with the feeling of putting my own wants and opinions aside to better understand how the shoes of my peers truly felt.
Living like this proved to be unsustainable as the quarantine extended through Seattle’s summer. For me, I inherited the stresses I heard from my social networks and the news I consumed. It became increasingly difficult to genuinely sympathize with the expressed stresses of my colleagues, close friends, and family which seemed to grow in number and intensity as the days became shorter and shorter.
I wouldn’t say I had a psychotic break, but I think my predisposition toward certain mental states were exposed to myself in ways they had never been before. I cannot thank enough those that reached out, listened, gave advice, and helped me through this time.
My support system has changed through the years and especially this year; however, certain pillars have never wavered:
And for you, I am eternally thankful.
P.S. I’m never sure where these reflections will take me, as I strive to be open-minded and write in a way that reflects my stream-of-consciousness. Throughout this quarantine, I have tried to better understand myself and my thoughts. I hope to continue this cycle of reflecting and understanding as I develop a better sense of self. ‘Til next time.
